01/12/2009

Peter pissing Kay.

Peter Kay is often described (Admittedly, mainly by his own blurbs) as 'one of Britain's most prolific stand up comedians'.

Now, I have to take issue with this statement. Peter Kay has not performed a stand-up show in something like five or six years. That is not prolific. I have only been gigging since August, and I have done more stand up than he has. He is, however, a master of selling recycled tat to the British public - Whether it's DVDs with the same jokes as the last DVD on it, or a compilation of adverts and interviews which will still cost you nearly FIFTEEN FUCKING POUNDS, or a book detailing the last few months of his life (Which I can only imagine reads "Sat on arse. Watched money collect around me"), the man is very very good at making huge amounts of cash out of the idiots that comprise a large amount of the British populace.

Now, let me explain something quickly: I love 'Phoenix Nights'. I also thought 'That Peter Kay Thing' was great, and the first time I saw 'Live From the Bolton Albert Halls', I had never laughed so hard at a stand-up set.

Of course, the trouble is, the world moves on... And Kay didn't seem to. Instead, since then all we seem to have been offered is spin-offs and copies of other people's iedas. Max and Paddy was an eye scrapingly dull extension of the Phoenix Nights universe that didn't need to exist, Britain's got the Pop Factor was a throwaway special that was bearable if a little formulaic (Is it cynical of me to think that it's odd that it took a year to be released to DVD, just in time for Christmas? I bet if he didn't already have a DVD coming out last year, it would have found it's way on the shelves in plenty of time...)

And then, when you dig a little deeper, it seems that actually, Kay might not have been all that 'prolific' at any point in his career. His old co-writers don't speak to him because they thing he's a dick now he's a celebrity. Speak to a few Manchester based comedians who were doing the club circuit at the same time as he was and you'll quickly hear stories about how nobody would speak to him before a set, for fear he'd nick their jokes - And then there's the story of the comedian who saw so much of his material used on TV, he sent Kay an invoice (which went unpaid). His material, such as it is, is not exactly complex, either: It basically boils down to reminding people of things that happen to them (Or at least to people from the North of the UK anyway - I strongly suspect that those from the south just enjoy hearing about poor people), a bit like Michael McIntyre, although at least McIntyre can be praised for his energetic shows and more fantastical personal experiences as well.

But, here we are; it's 2009, and Peter Kay has just announced that he will do four twenty seventeen million shows next year, entitled The Tour that Doesn't Tour Tour, now on Tour; Which is almost as bad as 'Pop Factor's full title, which I'm not going to go about repeating in it's entirety for two reasons:

a)It's insultingly stupid, and;
b)I'm a lazy, lazy man.

Now, this new tour interests me, or more specifically, the reasoning behind it does. Kay says that while writing his newest 'Memoirs' (Collect the whole set, gullible cashbags!), he remembered how much he enjoyed doing stand up, and decided he was going to use some of the jokes he's been writing since the last tour, and spread his hilarity across the UK once again; Which is a marked difference from him saying that he wasn't going to tour any more because he hadn't got any new jokes - And that was earlier on this year.

I know you can't fault somebody for making as much money as they can out of their profession, but surely there's a line? Surely there's a point where you look at yourself and think 'Jesus, what am I doing?' - And I get the impression that this tour marks a realisation. Of course, his claim that he's using the side stage so that people don't feel like they're just watching him on a screen is a little shaky as he's still selling upper-tier tickets, but at least he's doing new material - hopefully.

I genuinely hope Kay proves me wrong with this new tour, I do. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hearing people shout "garlic bread?"

As a footer, hello to Vicky, my first proper follower.

6 comments:

  1. Kay's got a very good eye for studied written/recorded material, like 'Phoenix Nights'; but his "Reminiscences of a Professional Northerner" stand-up material's just abysmal.

    He hasn't changed the record (or his act) about "And de yer remember them Space Hoppers/Curley Wurleys/Chopper bikes?!" and "mi Gran..." etc. If you've seen his live at the Blackpool Tower gig on DVD, then you've pretty much seen his entire repertoire. And it got old a long time ago.

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  2. This is exactly the problem that I have with him. I heard a preview of some of his new material the other day - Imagine his old stuff, but without the funny.

    I just wish he'd give us another Phoenix Nights.

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  3. PS: "As a footer, hello to Vicky, my first proper follower.

    Just a suggestion, but if you're looking to build a blog following (and that's perfectly normal for a stand-up comic to want to do), then just enable the Google 'Follow' feature which comes as standard with this Blogger format.

    And if you're on Facebook, then there's also www.networkedblogs.com which will allow all Facebook users to follow you too (see my blog for an example of both features).

    Hope that helps. Good luck! Break a leg!

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  4. Am I that painfully new at this?

    I'll look into networkedblogs when I'm not in work - I was using twitterfeed but it would just post the entire blog in a big ugly status update.

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  5. My advice would be not to mix Twitter with blogging: the two are different species all together!

    Proper blogging allows range, depth and development of any given piece with no limit on how much you may submit; Twitter just allows for pithy one-liners, stunted gags and observations of 140 characters or less.

    Twitter - A Beginner's Guide

    They both serve a purpose, and allow for a following, but they are distinct beasts with different uses all the same.

    Hope that helps.

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  6. Having read this update I went round to Peter Kay's house and put my foot through his face and... actually I didn't send anyone the bill because he deserved it.

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